he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
