too bad you live with your parents still
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
