Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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