if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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