Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize