So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
