I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
