You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
