Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize