Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
