You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
