I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
