if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
