i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
