We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
