last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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