4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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