Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
