this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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