so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
