So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
