You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
