My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
