Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
