i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
