Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
