I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
