he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
