Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
