when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
