happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
