Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
