i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
