if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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