dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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