Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
