Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
