So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
