before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
