Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
