I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize