Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
