Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
