Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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