and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
