I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
