Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
