Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I AM VODKA MAN
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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