Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize