I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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