I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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