Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
