You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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