So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
