Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
