why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
