She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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