You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
