Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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