it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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