Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
