he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
