Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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