How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I touched a dick in church today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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