drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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