At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
