i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
