I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
