Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
