My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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