Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was like eating out sand paper
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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