either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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