just come out here and I will go home with you...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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