I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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