we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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