i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
