Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
